


Interrupted Healing

by rosewaterangel



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Gore, M/M, Mild Gore, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, ill tag both of those just in case, leopika - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:27:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24082039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosewaterangel/pseuds/rosewaterangel
Summary: Kurapika can't sleep, he does what he can to try to calm himself down but it's never enough.
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	Interrupted Healing

**Author's Note:**

> based on Body by Mother Mother

Scratching at the delicate skin on his cheek, staring into the mirror as the top layer came off below his nails. What is he looking at?

His mind ran wild, imagining himself peeling back his skin, showing the fat and muscle just below it, tearing into his face to expose his teeth. Blood dripped down his chin as he ripped through muscle, meat squelching out from under his fingers, falling into the sink to rot.

His hand dropped to the side as he looked at himself, half of his face caved in, revealing the inside of his skull, before he blinked. The vision was gone, and all he was left with were desperate scratch marks across his cheek, eyes burning red from hot tears that poured down his face like lava, searing his skin off. Burned flesh blistered beneath it, puss and blood flowing out of him.

But once again, the sight was gone when he blinked his eyes.

What did he even come into the bathroom to do? Watch himself cry? Scratch himself until he bled in a place so noticeable other people would see it and instantly realize what he had done to himself? What an idiot, he thought. And how selfish, too. How selfish when so many people he loved had been forced to give up their bodies, while he was ready and willing to torture and destroy his own.

He looked into the sink, half expecting to see the raw flesh he’d imagined himself tearing from his face, but instead all he saw were trimmings from his partner’s beard. Right, he thought. He lived with someone else. He probably should be quick in here, right? … Who cared though. It was so late, he was sure he was the only one awake.

His eyes burned from how long he’d been up. How many hours had it been by now? Enough to make his head pound. Fingers instinctively reached for his arm, pushing up the sleeve. It was throbbing and raw, but it understood its role in this tired, aching body. His fingertips gently traced up the side of his arm, before clawing into it, ripping the skin open as he dragged them back down. He sucked in air, squeezing his eyes shut, the stinging running down his arm. Warmth poured down to his wrist, calming him a bit.

The feeling, the smell of blood… His own blood, spilling down his arm, enough to punish himself. How dare he hurt like this? He did it again.

His arm was scratched raw, open and bleeding by the time he was done with himself. Flipping the toilet lid down, he sat on it, staring as the blood as it leaked from his open wounds. Maybe he should bandage it up? Just pull it all together again and crawl back into bed, try to allow himself the comfort of lying beside a warm body. One that belonged to someone who loved him, supposedly. Although he wasn’t sure how anyone could.

Or he could wake him up. Have someone big and strong take care of him. Every once in a while, he indulged himself in the fantasy of having someone there to love and heal his broken body.

But he couldn’t do that.

He couldn’t make Leorio see him like this. He couldn’t force the other to kiss these self-inflicted wounds and still expect him to look at him with that look of adoration he so often wore on his face. How could he expect him to love someone who puts themselves through so much pain?

He rinsed out the fresh cuts, sighing as the water ran over his arm. He grabbed the gauze from the cabinet, adhering it to his skin before rolling down his sleeve. That was probably good enough, right? Whatever. He headed back to bed, laying down beside his partner.

Leorio rolled over, wrapping his arms around Kurapika. He was still fast asleep, it was as if his brain had some kind of sensor that noticed whenever Kurapika slipped back into their bed.

Kurapika just laid there beside him, hoping he didn’t get blood on anything as Leorio pulled him close. He was like a teddy bear, some kind of loved toy, only with a button eye missing, skin so threadbare the stuffing came out the sides.

Well-loved but broken.


End file.
